thoughts on thoughts, power, and self-love

Does anyone else find themselves thinking and thinking and thinking about so many different things that you suddenly feel very overwhelmed (and maybe a little depressed)? Mostly, I think about things of little consequence. Dumb, random things. Sometimes I wonder if I'm kinda a bit crazy. Racing thoughts? I think about that, too. 

Yesterday I thought a lot about power. I've been asked to be a guest speaker for a YW group. They want me to talk about the underlying reasons behind girls breaking the law of chastity. This article has some wonderful insights on the subject.


Our standards nights and chastity lessons usually focus on the dangers of strong sexual desire. Young men are told to bridle their libidos, which we describe as wild beasts that must be restrained until domestication in marriage, and we caution young women to avoid arousing and indulging the young men -- tempting the beast out of its cage, so to speak.

In an address about the law of chastity, President Ezra Taft Benson said:
"I recognize that most people fall into sexual sin in a misguided attempt to fulfill basic human needs. We all have a need to feel loved and worthwhile. We all seek to have joy and happiness in our lives. Knowing this, Satan often lures people into immorality by playing on their basic needs. He promises pleasure, happiness, and fulfillment."

To put it simply, thirteen-, fourteen-, and fifteen-year-old girls don't have sex because they desperately want sex. They have sex because they desperately want something else.

Do you have power? Do you sense that you’re in control of your own life? Do you feel you have the right and ability and the opportunity to get what you want and what you need?

The shame is not so much what girls do when they break the law of chastity, but why they do it. It’s a shame we collectively bear, the shame of creating a world where too many women opt to trade sex for power because they don't see any other convincing options. All of humanity suffers every time a woman, young or not, uses her body not to express herself, but to secure a self; not to feel pleasure, but to gratify another's; not to share love, but to barter for it.

Love it, right? This information would have been soooo helpful not only as a teen but also...ummm...2 years ago? Shhh...let's just pretend I was more self-aware then, ok?

Anyways, as I was preparing my thoughts on this topic, I started thinking a whole lot about where I turn to find my own power. This is something that I've struggled with for a long time. I have a strong inclination to look to things outside myself in order to feel worthy, important, and...powerful. At times it's been basking in attention from guys. At times it's been recognition as an art therapist and college professor. Things like wanting to see that little blog follower number keep steadily increasing. Embarrassing, but true.

The good news is I actually know why I struggle with this. But we won't go into those reasons here. The bad news is it's hard to change something that feels so natural and easy but is ultimately, not good. External approval can be very fake. It leaves you continually grasping for more and more of those feel-good validations that you have such a hard time giving to yourself. It's tiring. When all is said and done, when everything is stripped away from me, I would really love to be proud of who my inner, core self is. And, here's the kicker- I want to feel those feelings of worth, importance, and power irregardless of what anyone else thinks. So this is what I'm wanting to know:

How do you love yourself from the inside out?