Thursday, February 2, 2012

make believe

There are times when I feel like everyone around us are real adults while Chas and I are just pretending. 
Many of our friends are couples our age. But sometimes, it seems age is were the similarities end. 

The husbands are getting MBA's, law degrees. They are working full-time jobs with benefits. They are planning internships to exotic and exciting places. 
The wives are mothers to multiple children. They often play the role of a "single mother" while their husbands work long hours or are studying for the next final exam. 

Then there's us. 
I have a Master's degree. Chas doesn't. 
We don't work long hours. 
We're both artists. 
We don't have kids. Not yet, at least. 
We don't have health insurance or job security. 
We'll probably live in good old Salt Lake City for a long time. 

I don't mind the differences. Not at all. 
We're just doing our own thing and we're very grateful that it's working for us. 

I love the way our life is right now. Peaceful and happy. Very little stress. 
Sometimes I feel nervous about crossing the divide and becoming a "real" adult. I worry that we'll get smacked in the face with the stressors of "real" life and we won't like it. I worry that we'll miss this time of "pretending."

And maybe we will miss it and maybe that will be ok. 
Maybe we can miss aspects of our old life while still treasuring the new kind of peace and happiness that will be ours to enjoy.  

I know having a child will change everything and I love that.
I'm ready for that. 


Erin said...

I often feel this way too because I am not married. Most of my friends are already or are in the process of planning a wedding. But thats okay. :) We all have our own time schedule :)

Japolina said...

Peaceful and Happy is what everyone should strive for. Stress sucks.

I gave up my law practice to stay home with my children 12 years ago this month. Had I stayed in my "high powered" career, no doubt I would have better stuff but being with my children through the good, the bad and the ugly was the path I took and I never look back.

Thanks for blogging this, I did not know what I was going to blog about today, but now I do!

Kimberly said...

Jake and I both had a little freak out right before we got married. We both loved our single lives. I loved my studio apartment and he loved living with the guys in his bachelor pad. We were nervous about suddenly living together, and eating together, and sleeping next to each other every.single.night. Then our pastor told us something so important: we were "letting go of something good for something better." It was such a relief to hear affirmation that, no matter how THRILLED we were to be starting this new part of our lives, it was still ok to acknowledge the end of a unique time.

If I were about to have a baby, I think I would freak out all over again, and need our pastor to tell us that again.

aislin said...

Thanks for this, for the reminder that it IS okay to be completely happy where you are. That baby steps [literally or figuratively] are perfectly fine. That moving slowly is still moving forward.

Jan Dawson said...

Sam - I still feel this way, having worked a full-time job (with benefits) for 11+ years, with three kids etc. I have a feeling you never quite stop feeling like you're pretending. Maybe that's part of the key to happiness...

Rae Veda said...

I always feel the same way. You are perfect. xo, rv

Sarah Ann said...

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I'm floating through life refusing to admit how "adult" I should be. Everyone else seems to have a plan and just take on life and say "that's the way it is."

The thing is, I feel like when I had Iris, it gave me MORE freedom to make believe. Every day, we wake up and we play and discover and love and go on adventures. It's so different from the days when I woke up, had to go to a job that I didn't love, and was smacked in the face with reality thank to the people in my office.

Kids can open up a whole new magical world too, so who knows, maybe baby will just play make believe along with you. :)

Sara {Sara's Closet} said...

I've thought the same thing sometimes...although, I am single mother (for the last year and a half) and stay at home. Maybe it's all seems sort of surreal, I don't know why. Just young at heart still.

Brianna said...

Wonderful post! I always feel the exact same way about my little family. We may not act like adults, or go to college for years straight, but we're happy none the less. Incredibly happy. And above all it's what matters most. :)

Jenna said...

I felt so out of place both when I got married (18) and had my first baby (20). Most of my high school friends weren't even seriously dating people by the time I had given birth to another human. I felt like I could not relate to anyone anymore.

Now they're all catching up and it's all good. You know, these things just work out.

My path was different from everyone else's, and that was hard, and I didn't like telling people I was only 18 when I got married, but that seems like so far in the past now.

Find where you fit and embrace your place. That's my motto.

laurenjeanallece said...

I know how you feel - I'm 25 and feel like I'm barely an "adult" a lot, but like you said, when I realize I'm happy I let the worry melt away.

Thank you for sharing this Sam!

Bon Bon said...

It's fun to be a little different. break the mold:-) Girl, you are ready for anything! xoxo

Caitlin said...

I know you feel. I think if you feel that way you'll always feel that way no matter what you're doing! You guys are happy and that's all that matters. <3

Anonymous said...

I think you two are at the perfect place for you both. My husband and I have a similar story- I almost have a Masters degree (graduate with a MSW in June!), he doesn't work long hours (I do until I graduate but won't post-grad), and we are really content having a simple but fulfilling life. Hopefully we'll add a baby to the mix soon. :)

Erin said...

My Hub and I are in the exact same place right now... crossing into adulthood (minus having a baby on the way)... and it makes me nervous but excited.

::The Beetle Shack:: said...

I've got kids, degrees, and a husband that works long hours and I still feel like im pretending, in complete shock that God would give me children. Sometimes when I dropp my son to pre school i feel like it should be me that is staying for the day- not him!

pretend forever my friend.

xo em

Rachael said...

I feel that way a lot! I'm 26, and I never feel like my age! I guess it doesn't help that I look really young, but still.
I don't have health insurance either(which I need to get! I'm always putting it off), I don't have a real job(I'm a Nanny), and so forth.
I'm really surprised you feel that way, since you have so many 'adult' things going for you! You have a degree (and even if Chas doesn't that's okay), you're both married, and you're going to be a Mom. Those are real adult things for sure!