Thursday, August 23, 2012

new challenges

it's funny how every season of your life seems to have its own separate challenges.

being a mother is everything i thought it would be. i love that i get to spend every day taking care of this little person who smiles when she sees me and can now "talk" to me with her coos. those baby sounds are the sweetest sounds in the world. and don't get me started on her cheeks. i could just chew on those all day.

sometimes i feel sorry for chas that he gets to only spend two hours with her after work before it's her bedtime. but sometimes, i envy him.

sometimes it's really hard staying at home all day and not being able to jump in the car and go be among adults in the outside world. hero sleeps all morning and when she's awake in the afternoon, it's often too blazing hot outside to even leave the house for a short walk. so the days can feel long and lonely.

and then there's the dilemma of how to best spend my time when she's asleep. like yesterday morning, she took a five hour nap. so much time to myself can be both awesome and kinda terrible. awesome because i can take a shower, get ready for the day, do any chores around the house that need to get done, blog, etc. but kinda terrible because after i do all those things, she's still asleep and i still have plenty of time on my hands.

i hate feeling like i'm wasting time or being lazy so i started making a fun little variation on a scrapbook for hero (which i may be posting a tutorial for soon!). but when your baby isn't even three months old yet, there are only so many pages i can fill before i run out of pictures. so, for now, that project is at a stand still.

then i move on to my books. but i'm not one of those people who can sit and read and read and read for hours. i do what i can, though.

so back to yesterday's five hour nap. i kinda sorta hit an embarrassing all-time low in my desperation for something to do while she slept. i'm not even sure how this happened but all of a sudden, i found myself watching hair and makeup tutorials on youtube. and not just any tutorials- tutorials made by a teenage punky "scene queen" with rainbow brite colored hair, diy extensions, and huge fake eyelashes. (have i told you about my secret desire to have cotton candy pink hair?). yup. this is full-disclosure right here, guys.

the good news is if you ever get invited to a rave and just aren't quite sure how to do your hair/makeup/outfit properly for such an occasion, you know who to call. i'll even throw in a few glow sticks for ya.

anyways. has anyone else ever wasted way too much time in a semi-shameful way and then kinda hated yourself afterwards? or is it just me?

speaking of hair...

another challenge of motherhood is the postpartum hair loss. for someone who didn't have thick hair to begin with, it freaks me out to see the massive amounts of hair being lost every stinkin day. yiiiiiikes!

moral of the story?

even though things are getting a little bit weird at times over here, life is still glorious. the challenges are comparatively small. the joy is abundant.

and i'm even learning some new (re: basically useless) skills! ;)


Janette said...

I don't have little ones, so I can't relate too much, but I do know what it feels like to shamefully waste time watching YOUTUBE vids.. Gosh.. It's an endless maze of links..And at the end, you think, "Wait. Why am I here again?" But.. I appreciate you sharing your struggles.. It's cool when bloggers are honest and open...Hang in there! I'm sure it will get better when your baby doesn't take 5 hours naps anymore..


Amanda Joy {Joy in the Jumble} said...

I lost a ton of hair after I had my daughter three years ago. It seemed excessive compared to when I had my son. I found out that I was anemic from some blood loss during delivery, and Vitamin D deficient. I was able to get some vitamins that helped the situation greatly.

I am hoping after I have this third baby in December, that it won't be like finding an animal after every shower:)

Paule T.B. said...

I am not a mom yet, but I am a freelancer... DUH DUH DUHHHH the worst procrastinators of all human beings, I think. I can discover a new blog and read for 6hrs straight instead of working on urgent things sometimes... And then i'll guilt myself over it and loose sleep at night.

SIGH. I don't know if I'll learn one day. I think those waisted hours are maybe necessary sometimes? Try to find ways to kill time, that actually bring you something? Pinterest.. blogs, knitting... planning recipes... ?? Making purées and freezing them for later?

A new reader. :)

Summer Inc said...

Oh I can totally relate to this post when I had my first... but the long hour naps will be gone soon and you will just have a few hours a of free time.

But if you really feel like thats to much time you can fix that easily by having a second. I don't have enough time to do my hair or make up on most days. lol

I say, Enjoy your free time to just look at the internet or learn funky make up time! :)

P.S. Hero is precious!

Melanie said...

Well, I just discovered your blog and have spend a fair amount of time reading the archives...but I don't consider that time wasted :) Also, I spent a couple of hours trying on just about everyone on the Target clearance rack last night, just because I felt like buying new clothes. In the end I ended up with a pair of full-price but too good to pass up shoes.

Jenny said...

Woah! Sounds like Miss Hero is a spectacular sleeper! I've never felt like I had too much time with a newborn because my girls never napped more than an hour or two, but I can definitely relate to feeling guilty over wasting time. I say just enjoy it though, and then when you have a rough day with her it all evens out!

jackie said...

ha i love your new useless skills. i will definitely let you know if i need any rave-prep help.

and that's so funny that you're trying to find more things to do when sweet Hero is asleep. i usually hear moms being all "i don' have enough time!". glad to hear from both sides of the spectrum :) i'd suggest maybe picking up a new hobby? ha i don't know, i'm not much help.

Danielle said...

I work 40 hours a week with no kids and my husband has school at night. I feel this way all the time. You can only clean so much. I've started watching Nick & Nite - you're not the only one.

Alexis Kaye said...

uhm, YES! I was really really really sick in my first trimester! Like lost 10 pounds, couldn't keep a thing down, on lots of medications, had to have hospital IVs, you get the idea. I took a class over the summer and cut WAYYYY back at work. Basically, I hardly left the house and I felt worthless. I think part of the reason it was so hard is because we recieve validation from people every day. Even someone talking to you, saying hi, in some way it feels validating. I found that it helped me a lot to talk to friends on the phone or have people come visit me every once in awhile. It might help! Especially during this time where she's sleeping so much :) it could work! And I made some goals of things I wanted to make, like a wreath, some cards, things like that that i could pick up easily whenever I felt well enough, or for you whenever you have extra time. Good luck with everything! I'm nervous about being a stay at home mom. I'm sure I'll get really restless too!

Janssen said...

I'm feeling a little jealous of the five hour naps, I've gotta admit.

The Michelle Show said...

My post pardum hair loss JUSt started now and my little guy is almost 6 months old. I am flipping about it! My hair is basically butt length in the back so the handfuls of hair are extra extra annoying. I actually found some of my hair in my sons poop. Ew!

That being said, I actually sew and quilt when I run into long stretches of time with nothing to do. Its really great!

Brenna Boyd said...

I feel like I could have written this post myself, minus the pink hair deal. Glad I found your blog. If you have another 5 hour free time feel free to check mine out as well!

Kara said...

I say enjoy your spare time! There may come a day when she will not take 5 hour naps and you will be longing for some "me time." I for one dealt with a little boy that napped in 20 minute increments... it's only recently (he's 6 months) that he started sleeping for 45 minutes to an hour at a time.

Oh and the hair loss... it gets better around the 6 month post-partum mark (at least it did for me).

Take care!

Grace Marie said...

ahhhhhh. I can totally relate and I'm so sorry! The first year is just kind of crazy. I remember trying FOUR different times in one afternoon to go to stupid Target but Julia was NOT having it .. and I thought my life was over.

and my least favorite thing in the world is unsolicited advice but my favorite thing to give is unsolicited advice -- I'm terrible. I've found that as soon as we've had breakfast in the morning -- RUN out the door for a quick walk -- the fresh air cures my mood instantly. our stroller tire popped and I couldn't walk for a week earlier this month and I wondered why I wanted to claw everyone's eye out -- oh -- I was missing my walks (and I listen to music bc Im a bad mom)

Prayers your way!!

emma said...

sometimes on my days off i waste SO MUCH TIME. like don't get out of bed until noon...because i wake up and get on my computer and then doze back off and then wake up and read and then doze back off and then finally, maybe exercise and get on with my day.

and i don't even have a baby. i have NO EXCUSE.

can't wait to see your tutorial!