Tuesday, November 13, 2012

i had a little breakdown last night.

 sometimes being at home all day by myself can start to eat away at me. i try my best to work around hero's nap schedule and get out of the house whenever i can but sometimes it just doesn't happen and the isolation and loneliness bubble up to the surface.

and it's a tricky feeling to feel sad about staying at home, taking care of my baby. i know i am so lucky to be a mom, have such a sweet, healthy little girl, and to get to stay home and be the one who takes care of her and loves her 24/7. i am truly so, so blessed.

i don't want to be ungrateful.

i'm trying my best to find ways to be productive during this time (our film business and writing my book). and then there are times when i just want to take advantage of this quiet, slow pace of life that hero and i live right now and stay in my jammies until 2pm- which i definitely do from time to time. but, in the midst of everything, there are still days that feel long, boring, and alone.

so i got pretty sad last night.

chas asked if i wanted to plan a little getaway trip with my mom and sisters. he told me how much he appreciated all i do for our girl, what a great mother i am, and his desire to support me in any way he could.

and he made me pancakes for breakfast.
i love him so much.

i feel better today. good, not great. i'm trying to focus on the positive and be grateful for every moment.

there are different benefits and different challenges with every season in life. and it's ok to be sad about the challenges.

the sadness always goes eventually and tomorrow is a chance to feel better.


Brittany said...

Hugs, girl! I think we all feel sad and "ungrateful" for where we are, regardless of where it is. I guess we can be thankful that it doesn't last long all the time!

Kelsey Eaton said...

It's okay to feel like that. Everyone needs their "me" time and I think that is very important. Being a mom is a very selfless job and you don't get a lot of praise from the world. That's what makes it the most important and rewarding though.


Kelly Maloney said...

Definitely get there too sometimes. Long days with no outside contact (adult in your case, any living thing in mine) can be tough. Hang in there :)

Amy said...

Gosh I just love you so much. Thank you for the reminder that it's okay to be sad and confused and a little, or a lot, lost. I feel like it's easy to look at blogger and just idealize the life that they live. It can make you feel like your own is just plain messy and sloppy in comparison. So thank you for showing that we all go through the ups and the downs. And we just gotta trek through the downs and enjoy the heck out of the ups.

Jenna said...

It can definitely get sad and lonely. I will say that it wasn't as bad the second time around because I had Audrey and she could talk and make me feel better when new motherhood got hard.

Be careful not to take on too much to keep from feeling bored or lonely. I did that and I'm still paying for it! Being a full-time mom is a worth effort on its own.

Kirsten Wiemer said...

what a wonderful husband you have seriously. such a blessing.

i mean i don't know too much about being a mom, because i'm not one yet, but i can imagine how you feel. i hope things get better and that you feel great soon! well wishes your way!


Jordan Jaked said...

you are doing brilliant and beautiful things.

and you're a great mom. don't ever lose faith in that.

maria said...

Oh, I know exactly what you mean! I have a 3 month old and while I know I'm so blessed with him and love being at home with him I get sad and lonely too sometimes!

Remember you're doing the most important job you'll ever have! You are a great mom!

And what a blessing good husbands are, hey?

oxox Maria

Health, art, and the girl gamer said...

I felt the exact same when Kaya was a baby. It's a hard phase. It's good to embrace both the good and challenging days and accept that like you say there are different seasons. :) You are doing a great job and it gets easier.

morgan. said...

prayin for you lady!

Tani stevenson said...

I'm sorry! I've been there- new mom loneliness is real. I try to get out of the house to be with friends at least once a day- it helps so much. And your little girl is growing so fast- pretty soon she won't be napping as much and it will be a little harder to feel alone :)

tahnie said...

oh momma, i empathize with you so incredibly much. i feel like this sometimes (and i even risked my life to bring our girl into this world!) i can tell you that it is completely okay to talk about it, write about it; motherhood is such a beautiful privilege, but oh what a sweet roller coaster it is. hugs to you!

p.s. - thrilled to be your newest follower! :)

much love and many blessings.

Clandestine Road said...

The loneliness is so difficult. I hope you find a little group of moms with similar aged babies with whom to hang out. That helps on the days when it is all going wrong.

I love that you share this and that you shared your PPD. I think the more we talk about it, the less stigma it will have.

Here's to a super sweet and wonderful husband and baby daughter who looks just like you both.


TiAnna Wright said...

I can very easily relate. I work from home helping people reclaim health in their life. Sometimes, though, too many days at home makes for a serious struggle. Hang in there and get out of the house as much as you can. Even if it isn't a "productive" outing, you are recharging. And a happy mommy is well worth the walk around the block.

Kendra said...

I know exactly what you are feeling. Thank you for writing it out and allowing other moms to know they are not alone! You are doing a great job.