today, my little sister, rosie, was over at my house. i was helping her edit together some wedding video footage she shot for a friend. she was being the cutest aunt and taking such good care of hero so i could work on the video. we finished the film, she was packing up to leave, and i was making a bottle in the kitchen for hero.
then she asked me, "is it hard sometimes?"
i knew exactly what she meant but i still asked, "what do you mean?"
she smiled a little, then i smiled a little and said, "you mean, is it hard staying here at home all day, every day?"
"yes. yes, it is," i told her. "sometimes it is hard."
and you know what's funny? we always want what we don't have. every season in our life is "hard sometimes" in its own way.
being newly divorced and single was hard sometimes.
being an art therapist was hard sometimes.
being a college professor was hard sometimes.
not being a mother was hard sometimes.
being pregnant was hard sometimes.
being a mom is hard sometimes.
and, yes, staying at home all day is hard sometimes.
being a stay-at-home mom is a totally different pace and lifestyle than anything else i've ever done in life. before hero, i was always working- usually more than one job. now my job is here, at home, taking care of my baby. this new job brings me unimaginable joy and, honestly, so did teaching college and working as an art therapist. the joy and satisfaction gained through all three roles- mom, teacher, therapist- is each a different and unique kind of joy but still each very real and important to me.
the key, for me, has been to try and focus on the type of joy i have NOW and resist yearning for types of joy i've had in the past.
so right now, today, i'm choosing to love the joy of spending the day in yoga pants, talking all day to the sweetest baby alive, and ending the day with mint-painted nails and a hot bubble bath soak.
THIS is the joy of my life now.