Pregnancy is a funny thing.

Aside from the morning sickness, one of the biggest things I've dealt with for the past few months is "preggo brain." 

My mind will just go blank, without a moment's notice. 

As you can imagine, this makes for some interesting times in my work as both a therapist and professor. 

There has been a lot of, "Uhhh...Ok. I promise I had a thought just now...but now I don't." And that's on a good day- when I can actually string a full sentence together. Sometimes, when preggo brain strikes, I can't even put words together to make a sentence. My mind is totally blank. 

It's awesome. 

In fact, just last week in one of my classes, a student asked a question and this was my response,
"Umm...Ok. I'm not even going to pretend that I know the answer to that right now because I don't. Sorry." 

Hehe. 

Oh man. 

A little off-shoot of preggo brain has been the way my "container" or ability to effectively hold and contain difficult emotions has diminished.

I've started to try to keep the content and themes of my therapy groups much more light and not so intense. 

It's helping.

But, in my personal life, things can't always be kept so nice, light, and positive. 

Things can and will get kind of intense and, normally, that's just fine. 

But now, all of a sudden, my emotions are so much closer to the surface and I'm having a hard time expressing myself without becoming a blubbering weirdo. 

I'm learning to be more forgiving and patient with myself and this new, much more emotional me. 

But what I don't like, preggo or not, is allowing my emotions to get the best of me. 

I recently had an opportunity to be confronted with frustration, hurt, and anger. 

And, because of this, I also had the opportunity to confront myself and examine both what I did well in this situation and what I could have done better.

Sometimes I actually enjoy trying to figure myself out and get more self-awareness.

It's almost becomes a little game I play in my head.

I'll ask myself questions like, 

"Now why is it exactly that this situation was so difficult for me? What's my deal? What part of it can I own for myself?" 

"What aspect of my thinking around this situation is just self-serving and what part is really true?" 

"Why is it that holding onto little bits of resentment feels almost good to me?"

"At what point do I need to stop venting and move into proactive, positive problem-solving?" 

"What is within my power to address this issue in a way that is the most effective for both sides?" 

I want to be better. 

And this pregnancy is giving me a wonderful opportunity to be better than I was before. 

I love you, little cryings.