Friday, January 20, 2012

a little perspective

Not too long ago, Chas and I were lying in bed, chatting about random stuff. Our individual days, work, weekend plans (or lack thereof), and what we should make for dinner tomorrow night. 

Then I suddenly felt sad inside and told Chas I needed to have a little cry. So I did. And that alone helped as it usually does.

I explained how I had been feeling lately. Inadequate would be the word. Inadequate and maybe even lazy. I told him how I want to be better than I am. How there there seems to be so many things I could be doing right now that could help me become that better person. How I don't do a lot of those things. How it makes me feel bad about myself. 

Then something not completely unusual but rather important happened. 

Little cryings started kicking and punching up a storm. 
Now, this wasn't unusual. Baby girl likes to stay up late with us and is most active at night. 

But this time was a little different. 
She was moving so much more than she usually does. 
I immediately rolled over onto my back and pulled up my shirt a bit so Chas could feel and watch all the action. 

Everything that I had been sad about melted away. 
Watching my tummy, we were both smiling, laughing, and gasping in amazement.

Then a distinct thought came to me. 

What if this was little crying's way of saying, "Hey, mom! Why so glum, chum? Remember how I'm here and growing and being such a good girl? Remember how every day you're making me grow? Remember how this is the most important thing you could be doing with your life right now?!"

As I was lying in bed this morning, on my day off, I started to feel dumb and lazy again (even after a long, busy work week!). 
And, once again, that little cutie girl reminded me she was still there. And I remembered what was most important. I remembered to be kind to myself.

I smiled, closed my eyes, and allowed myself to keep sleeping in, guilt-free. 
(Besides, my sleeping-in days are seriously numbered. Might as well enjoy them while I can!)

It's funny how right when the miracle of life is happening inside me, right when I'm doing the most special thing I could ever do with my life, that's when I start to feel like I should be doing more, should be better than I am now. 

Me and my little cryings. 

We are so much more than enough. 

25 comments:

Lauren said...

Sometimes a little cry is all we need to feel better. And I'm sure we've all had those moments where we feel inadequate. I know I have. Hope you're having a great day! :)
Lauren
lemontreesandbumblebees.blogspot.com

Caitlin said...

This is such a sweet story :) I agree that a good cry is all that's needed sometimes! Can't wait to see your little bebe!

Marissa@ Momma Rake said...

This is beautiful girl!! Growing a baby and being a momma IS the most important job and EXACTLY the way God intended it! :) I miss feeling a baby in my belly! SO FUN!! XOXO!

Kimberly said...

"I remembered to be kind to myself." I love it. I so often need that reminder too. Well done little cryings.

Katie said...

I loved this. You and Chas sound like a lovely couple, and I can relate with the little cryings. I can't wait to meet your little girl. (:

Mindee and Austin said...

I just love this sweet post! Little cryings loves her mom so much already! Isnt the miracle of life so amazing? Istn it cool how they can sense how you feel? Don't be to hard on yourself about being lazy sometimes, we all deserve a day to ourselves! {Especially if your growing another person}

Jessica Wray said...

this is so sweet! we all can get a little down on ourselves sometimes but the ones who love us most are always there to remind us how amazing we actually are :)

emily day. said...

this was a beautiful post sam. i'm glad baby girl can make you feel better already! imagine all the good she is going to bring to your life soon enough.

aislin said...

I love that you could openly tell hubby you just needed to have a little cry without making it seem like the world was going to end. You've got so much love in your life and it's a gift to a good soul.

Gaby said...

just be kind to yourself, that's enough. xx

Nikita said...

Great perspective Sam. I love following your new life with your new hubby. You two are adorable and make my heart yearn for the one day I may actually have your state of bliss (but I'm 36, single and LDS so I'm not holding my breath) :)
I found this website and thought it was hilarious, and I'm not even prego. Hopefully you find it funny as well; if not, I didn't mean to offend. :)
http://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2012/1/17/porn-for-pregnant-ladies.html
Cheers,
Joanna

Jenna said...

Oh, man. You are right on. I wish so many more moms knew and understood this.

I loved Jane Clayson Johnson's book I Am a Mother. It is so great. Read it, please!

laurenjeanallece said...

I teared up reading this... Be good to yourself Sam, enjoy this time in your life and live every second in the present that you have this time with just you and Little Cryings :)

Maria said...

This is so sweet. I feel the exact same way, sometimes just crying a little helps SO much! Although I don't have a little cryings inside of me, I do have my boyfriend who helps me through so much. He helps me see the happy things, over the sad.

Laura said...

this is such a beautiful post. i think we all, (at least i know that i do) feel so inadequate sometimes it's just like the world is caving in on us. but i do find, as you did, that in those moments heavenly father gives us such sweet experiences to help us remember who we are.

thanks for this post, it made me day.

morgan. said...

this is so honest & beautiful.

sarah marie said...

such a great post, thanks for this reminder. I have been feeling guilty lately, and thinking I'm just a lazy person because I sleep so much lately and am just so tired! but I'm in grad school and working and I'm growing a baby... of course I'm tired! you're right, growing a baby is special and you shouldn't feel like you need to be doing more!

Lauren said...

this was so lovely. you are such a real person, i love it!

Rachael said...

That was a sweet post. I feel like you felt a lot, but I guess in all our lives we have to look ahead to something better to come. Like for you and your little daughter to come! She's a smart little thing already, knowing when you need a little push in the right direction :)

Bree said...

Thank you for sharing! I think we all need that reminder sometimes! It's so easy to feel inadequate too often!

Gabriel Black said...

Look after you, and you look after that little people too. Right now you're more intimately connected than you'll ever be again and more than I or Chas will ever know.
Enjoy it!

Kari said...

Aww she knows and loves her momma!! You're already a great mother, Sam!

Alexis Kaye said...

That's incredible! I bet heavenly father had something to do with that too :) I'm so excited to be here through the next part of this joruney. you two will make excellent parents

Brooke said...

Sam, words cannot express sometimes how wonderful you are at helping to keep things in perspective. Thank you!

Jamey Meteer said...

1. I love your blog. so much.

2. I'm 15 weeks with my first and I did this last week... The self doubts, the crying, then the re-cooping because, hey, your baby loves you, your husband rocks, and God has been so good to you.

Thanks for the little reminder that, more often than not, we all go through these heart-aching moments that change us for good...