Not too long ago, Chas and I were lying in bed, chatting about random stuff. Our individual days, work, weekend plans (or lack thereof), and what we should make for dinner tomorrow night.
Then I suddenly felt sad inside and told Chas I needed to have a little cry. So I did. And that alone helped as it usually does.
I explained how I had been feeling lately. Inadequate would be the word. Inadequate and maybe even lazy. I told him how I want to be better than I am. How there there seems to be so many things I could be doing right now that could help me become that better person. How I don't do a lot of those things. How it makes me feel bad about myself.
Then something not completely unusual but rather important happened.
Little cryings started kicking and punching up a storm.
Now, this wasn't unusual. Baby girl likes to stay up late with us and is most active at night.
But this time was a little different.
She was moving so much more than she usually does.
I immediately rolled over onto my back and pulled up my shirt a bit so Chas could feel and watch all the action.
Everything that I had been sad about melted away.
Watching my tummy, we were both smiling, laughing, and gasping in amazement.
Then a distinct thought came to me.
What if this was little crying's way of saying, "Hey, mom! Why so glum, chum? Remember how I'm here and growing and being such a good girl? Remember how every day you're making me grow? Remember how this is the most important thing you could be doing with your life right now?!"
As I was lying in bed this morning, on my day off, I started to feel dumb and lazy again (even after a long, busy work week!).
And, once again, that little cutie girl reminded me she was still there. And I remembered what was most important. I remembered to be kind to myself.
I smiled, closed my eyes, and allowed myself to keep sleeping in, guilt-free.
(Besides, my sleeping-in days are seriously numbered. Might as well enjoy them while I can!)
It's funny how right when the miracle of life is happening inside me, right when I'm doing the most special thing I could ever do with my life, that's when I start to feel like I should be doing more, should be better than I am now.
Me and my little cryings.
We are so much more than enough.