Thursday, February 9, 2012

"How are you feeling?"

Before I got pregnant, I promised myself that I would try my hardest to not complain when pregnancy symptoms were difficult. 

It was always a bit off-putting to me whenever I'd hear a pregnant women talk about about how hard it is to be pregnant. The nausea, vomiting, fatigue, aches and pains, multiple night-time potty breaks, difficulty sleeping. On and on. 

Sometimes I wanted to just interrupt their little rant, grab them by the collar, and loudly (but lovingly) remind them that they were so lucky. They were pregnant! They were experiencing one of the greatest blessings and miracles ever! So all that other stuff that's hard??...Deal with it and be grateful you have the opportunity to deal with it! 

(How thoughtful of me, right?)

Then I got pregnant. 

Immediately, I started letting people know, whether they asked or not, that I was pretty tired that day, had a headache, or an upset stomach. 
Thankfully, I soon realized what I was doing and that I was doing it largely just because I could. 
It felt like a right of passage to be able to complain about pregnancy symptoms. Like it made the pregnancy experience more "real" or something. 

There is a balance that's been important for me to try to find during this pregnancy. 
I want to be genuine and grateful at the same time.
And I'm still working on it.

When people ask how I'm feeling, I don't want to be fake and say, "wonderful!" when that isn't the case. 
At the same time, I don't want to jump on the fuss buss either. Because, when it really comes down to it, I am doing wonderfully, regardless of how I'm feeling physically. 

How could seeing my tummy grow not be wonderful? How could getting to spend time with little cryings every day, just me and her, not be wonderful? How could feeling my little girl punch/kick back in response to my nudges not be wonderful? How could brainstorming names, decorating a nursery, and tiny baby jammies not be wonderful? 

It is wonderful. So wonderful.

So there are hard days. 

Days where walking from the living room to bedroom is so painful I just want to lay down and cry. 
Or when putting on my shoes, or standing up from a chair, or rolling over in bed at night requires gritting my teeth and pushing through the pain every. single. time. 

And then we have to cancel our much-anticipated trip to New York in March because of how hard it is for me to walk. 

That hard stuff is all real, too. 

But it's not what's most important. 

What's most important is that it's worth it. 

23 comments:

Elisabeth said...

way to have such a great perspective! thanks for sharing this sam!

Jenna said...

It IS hard! I tried not to complain but sometimes, it just helps you to see how annoying you're being when you get it all out. Right?

Does your crotch hurt? Sorry, that was a little forward. If it does, try sitting on a yoga ball with your legs turned out to the side, like you're squatting. It helped me SO much. I didn't have a yoga ball with my first and I thought I would literally break in two with each step I took!

Summer Inc said...

You nailed everything I felt about pregnancy. It is totally worth it! Hope that the rest of your pregnancy is pain free!

Emily said...

Actually, that seems like a lot of pain for how far you are... I wonder if your pubic bones are separated and causing a bunch of unnecessary pain for you. I had that before - it's excruciating!! Tell your Dr. for sure, and see what they recommend. My OB referred me to a physical therapist and it was literally life-changing for me! Pain was gone, so fast - she taught me some exercises like what Jenna suggested to do at home and it made the pain go 95% away!! Check into it! Pregnancy is hard, but it shouldn't be THAT hard! Hugs!!

Mrs. Janney said...

As someone who is struggling with infertility, I so greatly appreciate this post. You completely nailed it on the head!

I know pregnancy must be super hard and totally uncomfortable. But the problem with what most pregnant women do is that they complain without acknowledging how grateful they are to be pregnant.

My cousin who is pregnant posted on facebook the other day that she "would give almost anything to get rid of her morning sickness." I almost wanted to respond that I would give almost anything to be pregnant and have morning sickness.

Thank you so much for be thoughtful and genuine at the same time. I LOVED this post.

Sarah Ann said...

Honesty is so important in pregnancy--more important than being polite! But sometimes a good dose of perspective is good too.

It's so funny--my college roommate is pregnant too and she was just talking about this: All the things and ways she thought she'd do in a particular manner, but now that motherhood is upon her, she's doing everything differently. I'm a year in and learned that I'm WAY different than I thought I'd be as a mom!

Melissa said...

This is so refreshing to read from a pregnant lady. Thank you for posting!

We got pregnant really easily with our daughter in 2009 and it almost seems like we took that for granted. Now we've been trying for #2 for almost a year and it's rough to hear people complain about pregnancy when I want it so much.

Thanks for putting it into perspective. =]

M. Flynn said...

It's going to be so worth it! I have no idea what you're going through, but I know you guys are going to be such wonderful parents! xo

SaffaKate said...

I love this! Everyday I take time to just really appreciate how fortunate I am to be pregnant no matter how bad the morning sickness, rib pain or when i feel like my pelvis is about to split in 2!

Erin said...

Good for you! I constantly want to remind pregnant friends just how lucky they are to be uncomfortable, waddling down the street and taking constant bathroom breaks. ;)

Alexis Kaye said...

sounds pretty sincere and optimistic to me. You are a wonderful mom already. :)

Maria said...

I know you're having a hard time now, but you're so optimistic about the entire process and it makes me so happy! I know how happy you are to have a little cryings and I cannot wait to meet her when she gets here!

Caitlin said...

Love this Sam. Great that you can be honest but still optimistic and grateful. I wish you guys all the best, but sorry you are in pain!

karly [plums and mustard] said...

awh sam, i absolutely love this post! i feel the same way! I'm not pregnant [yet] but i've had that perspective lately, it seems like so many people are pregnant and all i hear about are how they are getting stretch marks and gaining weight, haha welcome to my life! ;) just kidding! but seriously! thanks for this post, cutie pie!
-kar

Callie Lynch said...

Hi! Love your blog! I am currently in my 9th month of pregnancy and find myself complaining more than I'm rejoicing at times. So happy to be pregnant, but when you're feet swell into cankles someone needs to hear about it right?! haha. Great post, New follower :)

Bennett Love

Chrissie said...

I love this post! I'm pregnant too and feel the same way! Thanks for posting :)

Amy W said...

I'm so glad you shared this! It's refreshing to hear, but also so incredibly motivating. I am not doubting how much the physical can be overwhelming, but it's because your body is creating LIFE! It's creating your beautiful daughter and making way for her to shine and grow! That is beautiful. I love this post and your outlook. Thank you for sharing!

Xoxo

Mindee and Austin said...

You have a great attitude! I loved reading this post. When I was pregnant, I cought myself doing the "complaining cause I can" thing. But then I realized, why in the world would i be doing that...this is a perfect, sweet baby inside of me. It is so wonderful! Beautiful! That really changed my perspective. It made the rest of my pregnancy a whole lot better and brighter. Little Cryings is going to be one luck, beautiful baby!

Katie said...

Thank you for this! It seems to be a fresh perspective that most don't have :) and ps...hope the pain lessens soon!!!

Lexie Loo, Lily Boo, and Dylan Too! said...

It is worth it. Trust me, it's well worth it. It's why I did it 3 times, despite having extreme morning sickness with all of my babies until the day I delivered!

tahnie said...

I truly empathize. I risked my life to have my daughter and it was HARD, so many people didn't understand what I was going through...but all worth it. Of course! It would have been worth it if I only had 10 minutes with her!

xo.

life as I see it said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
life as I see it said...

I soooooo feel your pain... and wonderment. I sadly have to admit that there is more pain than wonder with the second especially when it is twins. I have been seeing a physical therapist and it is wonderful. She has helped so much. Let me know if you are interested in seeing her and I'll pass her info on.

--Sarah C.