mommy sessions!

Announcing an awesome deal on mommy sessions! 

Every mama deserves beautiful photos of her and her babies together and with Mother's Day just around the corner, I say let's make it happen! You deserve this. 

Email me at samanthakellyphotography@gmail.com to reserve your session.

Spots are very limited and I promise you won't find a session like this in film for a better price. Promise! 

the good stuff

i've been going back and forth on what to write here for a few days now.

i could blog about how i've felt impatient with hero lately and surprisingly down on myself and my abilities as a mother and wife. we all have those days, right?

but i've decided that there is SO much more good that outweighs any current frustrations and challenges and that i think i'd rather document the happy today rather than delve into the other stuff. besides, it's the little happy things that get so taken for granted and easily forgotten- they deserve some real air time.

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i bought hero a little trike off of KSL earlier this week. ever since the weather became a heavenly spring, we've been seeing lots and lots of kids riding their bikes up and down the street. hero loves to watch them while enthusiastically pointing and informing us of the "bikes!" outside. so i got her a bike of her own and we took it out this morning for a spin. it has a detachable push handle on the back so i don't have to lean over to help her ride it. she just sits, thinks she riding "a bike!," and i push her along just like she's in a stroller. we rode up to a neighbor's house after breakfast to watch frozen. hero giggled and "wooooah-ed!" the whole way. loved it. i can't believe she's big enough to know about and "ride" a bike. such a kid.

within the last week or so, hero decided to finally kick her morning nap and do just one nap a day. that transition plus the fact that she's also been teething is making going down for even just one nap pretty rough for her. but this afternoon, as i wrapped her in her "mimi" (blanket), and was singing her songs, she just couldn't stop giggling. total girly giggle fit. i'd start singing softly, and she'd immediately burst into the biggest, cheesiest smile that makes her look so much like i did when i was her age. and then she'd just laugh and laugh. she'd eventually stop, i'd start singing again, but she just couldn't hold in those silly giggles. i love catching glimpses of her little girly-ness like that.

a few nights ago, i was putting her to bed and rocking her slowly in her chair. i started talking to her about her baby sister (a topic that she's been a little ambivalent about). suddenly, she pulled back from me a bit, looked into my face and said, "hug?". she then laid down right on top of my belly, both arms stretched all the way around as far as they could go, and her cheek pressed closely against my shirt. as if that couldn't get any sweeter, she then started giving my tummy kisses intermittently with more hugs. i hope that along with the sure-to-come bickering, tears, and struggles to share that there will be lots and lots of hugs, kisses, and dress-ups shared between these two baby girls of mine.

chas and i have been busy thinking and thinking of what we want to do this spring to spruce up our front and backyard areas. it's fun to actually have the space and ownership to make these kinds of decisions but it's also a lot of responsibility and potentially expensive. still, the adventure of home ownership marches on and we're loving it!

it's a girl!

at our 20 week ultrasound on monday, i come out from another bathroom break (because, you know, pregnancy) and see this. just taking the ultrasound bed for a little spin and checking out pictures of her baby SISTER!

to be honest, i TOTALLY was convinced it was a boy. might have even been hoping just a little bit for a boy. but now that i know we're going to have another little girlie, i couldn't be more excited for sisters close in age! there are so, so many fun things about girls!

we loved getting to see the 3D photos of the baby's face. it was crazy how much she looks JUST like hero did at 20 weeks. same button nose and chubby cheeks. sweetest.

i can't believe i'm already halfway through this pregnancy. it's all going by so fast this time around!

making your house a HOME...on a budget!

owning a house and getting to finally make it a home- just how i like it- has been more fun than i imagined! to be honest, though, it didn't necessarily feel that way at the start.

as soon as we purchased the house (ok, ok- WAY before that), i started looking through my pinterest boards again and again- making huge plans and decisions about how i wanted to decorate our new space. it was going to be amazing- i was sure of it- and i was finally going to be able to actually recreate some of my most favorite pinterest images!

...cue reality check.

money.

oh yeah- decorating costs money and it can really add up fast if you're not careful. after all the gazillion unforeseen costs that come with home ownership (inspection, insurance, window coverings, making our garage door automatic, hard water removal from exterior windows, etc, etc, etc), there was little money left in our budget for all my wonderful decorating plans.

but anyone can make a house look amazing with unlimited cash. i decided to let the fun be in the thrill of the hunt for the best bang for my buck when it came to decorating. we've been in our new home for five months now and love the way the interior is coming together so i thought i'd share a few things i've learned throughout this process.

#1. LIGHTING FIXTURES

i've got nothing against the boob ceiling lamp that we all know and love but sometimes switching it out for another option can really make a huge difference in a room.

example: our dining area.

the biggest downside to our home is that we only have a small eat-in kitchen. no formal dining room. to help make this area feel special and a little more separated from the rest of the kitchen, we swapped out the boob lamp for this hanging fixture from ikea.

grand total: $40

we also updated our two outdoor lighting fixtures on the front of the house which also made for a nice change at only $40 each. eventually, i have plans to continue on my boob lamp upgrade mission and put in some more appealing and fun lighting options in the living room, hero's room, and our bedroom.

#2. PAINT

when we bought the house, the whole thing had been dipped in beige- every wall and ceiling. thankfully, it was a nice, light shade of beige so we didn't have to get rid of all of it but it was still rather boring. i knew that i wanted to have white walls. i love how they make a room feel so fresh, clean, and bright. in a perfect world, i would have painted the whole house in white and two or three other soft and pretty coordinating colors. but our budget had other plans. so i just picked a few areas to paint- the living room, three upstairs bedrooms, and hallway. chas had the genius idea to paint the hallway the pretty blue/gray color. he's a keeper.

it's amazing what a fresh coat of paint can do to a space.

#3. HUNT FOR LESS-EXPENSIVE ALTERNATIVES

love a look but can't afford the price tag? be patient and keep your eyes open for a more budget-friendly alternative.

example: i wanted to buy these mirrors from pottery barn for our entry way but couldn't justify the $200. so i just let that space sit bare for a while until the perfect solution came along- and eventually it did!

while at target yesterday, i came across these square mirrors for only $5 a pop! i also found this little foot stool/bench for $40. i love how the mirrors and bench look together and love knowing that i got it all for a fraction of the price of those pottery barn mirrors!

grand total: $55

#4. UPGRADE BEDDING

for the first almost 4 years of our marriage, we had the same bedding. it was fine but after so long, we were dead tired of it and needed a change. we got rid of our quilt and purchase a white duvet cover, new white sheets, bed skirt, throw pillows, accent blanket, and lamps.

my mom and i made a day of shopping all our favorite bargain stores and, of course, target, and were able to create a whole new bedroom!

grand total: $170

#5. ADD CUSTOM DETAILS

chas and i painted this same mural in our apartment's unfinished basement (tutorial here) when i was pregnant with hero. i thought it would be fun to recreate the same mural in her room. i love this mural because it's relatively easy. you for sure don't have to be an artist or anything to do it- as long as you can wield a paint roller and painter's tape, you'll be good to go.

for just the cost of a few basic paint supplies and a little DIY labor, hero's room is unique and special.

#6. THRIFTING vs INVESTING

i don't hunt at thrift stores often but have definitely found some treasures thrifting and/or searching the classifieds online (KSL.com here in utah).

although both this little end table and chair will eventually be upgraded. but for now they look pretty great in our living room.

speaking of the living room, i also think it's good to save up and invest in some nice, staple pieces. chas and i purchased this sectional (on sale) when we bought the home. it was definitely a big investment for us but we knew that it would be a great couch for the space and something that could last a long, long while. up until now, the couch we had was actually an outdoor couch. cute but not amazing. we waited 4 years to buy this sectional and it was for sure worth the wait!

#7. GET CREATIVE

while putting together hero's basement playroom (again, on a tight budget), i knew i wanted a really big print framed and hung on the wall. unfortunately, big prints cost big money. so, i got creative and asked my amazing graphic designer friend, stephanie, to design this simple image for me. then i got it printed it costco and purchased the frame from ikea. done and done.

grand total: $40

the slide in the playroom is second-hand and i got those "p-l-a-y" letters from hobby lobby (on sale) and painted them white. this whole room ended up coming together for only $230 total. (a little more than my budget of $200 but i just couldn't say no to that pink striped ikea rug!).

this little library set-up just makes me happy. (wall shelves from ikea)

#8. BE PATIENT & ENJOY THE PROCESS

when we first moved in, i started having this weird anxiety because i suddenly felt like i had to decorate and perfectly furnish every single corner of this new house RIGHT THAT SECOND. wrong. my mom, as she always does, talked some sense into me.

trying to do everything all at once is like a kid stuffing allll the marshmallows in his mouth at once. it sucks all the fun out of the process. instead, i'm trying to just be patient and calming eat the marshmallows one at a time and enjoy the fun of the process and hunt for great finds.

there's still lots and lots to do but it's nice being able to both enjoy the areas of the house that are more put together AND having future projects to work on (our basement office, new baby's room, laundry room, basement bathroom, and guest bedroom).

a few things worth remembering

i love quiet sunday evenings with my family. we haven't been driving out to utah county as much on sundays to have dinner with either of our families lately. i miss them but am also relishing the hours of just sam-chas-and-hero time we've been having- especially since saturdays can be so busy.

we've been making dinner together while opening up the kitchen window to let in the fresh early spring breeze and listening to music. sometimes it's the mormon tabernacle choir, sometimes it's arcade fire. either way, hero especially loves it and always asks for more "song??" in the 2 second quiet in between tracks.

after dinner, i clean up the kitchen and listen to chas and hero playing, coloring, and generally laughing their heads off together downstairs. it's a welcomed break for me and a chance for hero to just wrestle and be all sorts of silly with her dad.

for the past two sundays, after hero is asleep, chas and i have made cookies together. yesterday's batch was particularly yummy (which may or may not be due in large part to it being a pre-made mix). as they came out of the oven, we ate a few hot with ice cream on the side and then piled the rest onto 4 plates to take to neighbors.

generally, small and simple events but filled to the brim with joy and contentment nonetheless.

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i did my second session practicing shooting film last weekend. photography is making me so, so happy right now. even though i have to wait a few days to see the results of my work with film, just driving home from that shoot, i felt so ALIVE and on a total creative high. getting the scans back from the lab and actually seeing the images for the first time brought back that same feeling of "yeeaaahhhh!! this is awesome!" (dorky photographer stuff)

you can see the full session here.

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on friday night, chas and i tackled our basement storage room together and finally organized it all. while sorting through boxes, we found a photo frame set holding a picture of both my grandmothers (who have both long since passed). because hero's middle name is my maternal grandmother's first name (marilyn), i thought it would be nice to put the photos in her room on her nightstand. the next morning, after we've all been up for a bit, i hear hero in her room making the sweet little sound she makes when she's giving kisses ("mmmwaaahh, mmmwaaahh"). out of curiosity, i go into her room to see what random object she's bestowing so much love onto. she's on the floor, with the photos of my grandmothers lying down, face up, in front of her and she's leaning over giving each one a big kiss- one right after the other. back and forth, back and forth. it was the most sweetest thing. i had even forgotten that i'd put those photos in her room and hadn't showed them to her or anything. she just noticed them on her own, grabbed them off the nightstand, and started giving so many kisses. through tears, i asked if she knew her great grandmothers and she replied very matter-of-factly, "yeaaahhh!," with just a little hint of "duh, mom" in her voice.

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we find out the gender of baby #2 today!!! stay tuned :)

sunny, happy days

the weather here in utah has been super unseasonably warm. we're talking low 60's and sunshine. i can't believe how happy it's making me feel!

on sunday afternoon, i laid out on a blanket in our front yard and was soon joined by a good friend who lives across the street. we chatted and waved to families on bike rides and listened to the classical music her husband was playing on their car stereo as he cleaned out the trunk.

on monday morning, hero and i went outside for a bit. this quickly turned into three other moms with kids (2 of which are hero's exact same age) coming out and playing as well.

on tuesday, i got my hair done and hero played allll day with her best neighbor friend, kaya, and a few other neighborhood kids.

this morning, we ventured out once more and walked around the block. i gave hero a little bucket to carry so she could put all her rock/twig/leaf treasures she finds along the way in it. she held onto my finger almost the whole time, waved to "puppies," practiced our best bird sounds, and my mama heart bursted with love each and every time something new would catch her eye for her treasure bucket.

basically, our neighborhood and this weather is the best thing ever. i was telling chas the other night how amazing it is to be able to walk outside, send out a text to some moms, and within minutes, 3-5 other moms are outside with us- all living either across the street or a few houses away. it's complete mommy paradise. this little area of utah may not be the most posh or hip but who the heck cares when there are so many young families with girls the same age as hero (and some other pregnant moms too!). unless you're a stay-at-home mama, i think it might be hard to understand how vitally important it is to have a good support group of moms nearby. and what's more- it's never ever a fashion show, if that makes sense. i go out almost every day in my jammies and no-makeup and bed head and don't give a second thought about it. it's so refreshing and calming knowing that no one cares one bit about what you look like or what you're wearing. only genuine love and goodness 'round these parts.

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a fresh cut and color is also adding a little bounce to my step. fun springtime hair is here! (excuse the lame instagram photo. like i said, i'm trying to focus more on writing and less on photo quality lately with this blog...)

in the dark

friends and family often ask how my book sales are going. it's been officially published for about two months now but, the strange thing is, i have absolutely no idea how many people have purchased it and read it. truly. all the various distributors (amazon, barnes & noble, ibookstore, etc) only report their sales back to my "publisher" (bookbaby.com) every few months. so, until then, i'm almost completely in the dark. 

i do know that at least 10 people have read it because that's how many reviews i have on amazon. so that's something. haha. 

when i do find out the sales, whenever that is, it will be such a fun surprise! at least, that's how i'm trying to look at it so i don't drive myself crazy with anticipation. and honestly, for the most part, i kinda just don't think about it lots. it's out and available and that's all there is to it. feels nice to have a break from it all after that last long, hard push to finish it. 

if you haven't checked out my book, you can purchase it on amazon here (or through most any other ebook distributor). and remember, you don't have to own a fancy kindle, ipad, or anything like that. a free ereader can be downloaded through sony if you have a pc or, if you have a mac, ibookstore is the ereader that's automatically on your computer and iphone. easy peasey. 

if you HAVE read the book, i'd SO love if you took a moment or two and wrote a review on amazon.

that's all for now. 

happy thursday. 

feeling confident in your parenting

when i was pregnant with hero, chas and i talked a lot about different parenting techniques. i knew that there would be guaranteed times where we'd feel lost, confused, and helpless as newbie parents but i also knew that if we searched and studied and researched, we could step into this parenting gig with as much preparation and knowledge beforehand which would hopefully help us feel more confident in the difficult moments.

we were so lucky to find "the aware baby" by aletha solter really early on in this journey. i wrote about the book and premise here and an early experience with implementing the "method" here when hero was only a few weeks old. i cover in detail what the book entails in both those posts so i won't repeat it here. if you're curious, check out those two posts.

lately, chas and i have been talking about how much we STILL love the teachings and ideas in this book and how helpful it's been for us and our daughter. i thought it'd be interesting to write a little follow-up post of how the principles in "the aware baby" have been a positive influence on our parenting experience now that hero is almost 21 months old (crazy!).

firstly, let me just say that i am not writing this post to try and convince anyone that this is how they should parent. nor am i suggesting that other methods of parenting are bad or wrong. as mothers and fathers, we, of course, are all just trying our best and we each need to be given the freedom to do what we feel works best for our own family without judgement or criticism. this is just what we've found to work wonders for us. if it sounds at all interesting, give it a try. or don't. either way, we are happy and confident in our parenting and hope you are too!

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one of the greatest aspects about solter's approach, is that after 21 months of being parents, chas and i can probably count on one hand the times when we've felt completely lost and clueless as to what hero needs and how to help her. whenever she's having a hard time, all we have to do is ask ourselves a few quick questions: 1. are all her basic needs met (hunger, safety, sleep, etc.)? If she's not hungry, tired, or in physical pain or sick, then...she needs to cry. that's it. it's seriously that simple. we never have to feel frazzled or frustrated because we just don't know how to help or why she's upset or struggling behaviorally. and, let me tell you, having that kind of confidence and peace throughout our entire parenting experience has been so amazing.

we don't let her "cry it out" alone. we hold her and listen to her while she cries. we tell her she's doing a great job and how important it is for her to get out all the "sads" so she can feel happy again. we talk to her about her day and any potential upsetting moments that may have occurred.

when she's done crying, she's ready to go back to whatever we were doing and be totally happy and content instead of agitated, frustrated, or upset. and, what's more, when we ask her about her experience "crying with us" she will always say that "yes" she does feel better after she "gets her cries out."

hero has always been a happy, charming, independent girl. she sleeps like a rockstar: 13-14 hours a night with two 2-hour naps during the day.

it's been really fun to read what solter writes in her books about the personality traits of babies who are allowed to cry freely in their parents arms and how closely it describes hero.

out of any parenting method i've researched, "the aware baby" is the only book i've found that is in perfect harmony with everything i know as a clinical therapist. i love how solter's principles are the exact same principles that i'd try to teach in any therapy group i've led- whether it be with children, teenagers, or adults. namely, solter treats babies and toddlers just like the rest of us should be treated: as humans with a wide range of emotions. when we experience a difficult emotion such as anger, fear, sadness, or stress, we need to be taught how to deal with and EXPRESS those emotions in a healthy way with the positive support of those who love us. and that's exactly what "the aware baby" does.

because we've allowed hero to express her emotions through crying and/or raging in our arms while calmly listening to, accepting, and validating her experience, she's been able to live her life without tons of built up and suppressed stress. babies and toddlers experience stress everyday- just like we do. and when that stress builds up, if it's not properly addressed or released, it can manifest itself in the way they behave, difficulty sleeping, etc. the same holds true for all of us! but when we're allowed the time and space to safely express how we feel and have our emotions listened to and validated, we are given a release from the stress so we can move on and be happy! i just love knowing that i am teaching my daughter how to deal with her difficult emotions in a positive, healthy way- a skill that will help her be a happier toddler, child, teenager, and adult!

i think the most difficult part about "the aware baby" is having to deal with other people's reactions and responses to our parenting choices. for whatever reason, we've had to confront a fair share of raised eyebrows- no matter how well-meaning. we've tried again and again to explain the reasoning behind letting hero simply cry in our arms as opposed to "crying it out" but i think our families still think we're a little nuts. and that's ok. like i've said, we are 110% satisfied and confident in the way we're raising our daughter and it's alright if others don't understand or agree. the proof is in the pudding! we may be a little biased, but our kid is AMAZING. i'm sure part of her amazing-ness is just how she came but i'm going to be as bold as to say that part of her amazing-ness is the way we've chosen to parent her and help her deal with her emotions proactively.

sure there will be hard times in our future experience as parents. things aren't perfect and never will be. but i love feeling secure in being equipped with the proper tools to effectively deal with whatever is down the road for us.

i could probably write an entire 3-volume novel on how much we love "the aware baby" but i think i'll stop here.

moral of the story: being a new parent doesn't have to be fraught with feeling lost and helpless. there ARE great alternatives to "sleep training." and feeling confident and like a GREAT parent with a happy child is totally within reach for anyone.

my first all-film photo shoot

got my scans back yesterday from my first shoot with all-film. i'm obsessed. completely hooked.

you can see all the photos here.

let me explain a little bit about why i've fallen so hard for film so quickly.

first, the process of shooting with film is entirely different than with digital. when i'm shooting digital, i can take hundreds and hundreds of photos- and i do. with film, every single time i push that shutter button, it's costing me money. a roll of professional grade film costs me about $9 (and $16 to develop). that's $9 for 36 exposures, or images. unless i want to break the bank, i have to be so much more intentional, thoughtful, and mindful of the shots i'm composing. shooting film makes me slow way down and patiently wait for that exact right moment to click the shutter. and speaking of shutter- the sound of a film shutter is so fun to hear. it's kinda loud and it sounds like it's telling me that "yup! you just sealed the deal with that shot- for better or for worse!" the drama of it all is exciting.

there's also an element of trust and almost faith that goes along with shooting film. when i'm testing for proper exposure with a digital camera, i take my best guess at what the settings need to be, take a test shot, look at the back to see how close i was, and then continue to adjust accordingly until it's just right. but there's no lcd screen on the back of a film slr. so the way i get my settings right for lighting is with the light meter. i'm still learning how to use it and how it responds in every different lighting situation but, for the most part, it's pretty simple. once i take a reading with the meter, i enter into my camera what it says (usually over-exposing), take a deep breath, and trust that i've done it right and the photo will be exposed correctly. in short, with film, you can't just take a stab in the dark again and again and have it all work out perfectly in the end. you really have to know your stuff or else nothing will turn out right. i like knowing that i know how to not only shoot manually well but can do it even when i can't check the back of the camera screen. let's be honest- it's an ego thing.

and then there's the post-processing and editing- or almost complete lack thereof. i've actually never spent tons of time editing photos i've shot digitally. for a full family shoot, there's probably 2-3 hours of time sitting at the computer afterwards which, compared with lots of photographers, isn't too bad. i'll maybe take 400 photos during a family shoot, go through them all, and select the best 50-60 to edit for the client. that's the most time-consuming part. but 50 keepers out of 400 isn't a great percentage. in contrast, i only shot one roll (which actually already had some shots taken) for my film session. i took 33 photos and ended up keeping 25. and the other 8 didn't cut it only because i was manually focusing and so the focus was a bit soft and not sharp enough. 25 out of 33 is pretty dang good, i'd say! again, it's because of how much more focused and intentional film is that gives me such better percentages of keepers :)

so i received my scans from alpine film lab, discarded the 8 that weren't awesome and....DONE-ZO! film is just so rich and beautiful all on it's own that there's nothing i needed to do to edit them! NOTHING. that means almost zero time spent sitting behind the computer sorting through hundreds of images, correcting color, exposure, and white balance, etc, etc, etc. and let me tell ya- getting those images back and seeing them for the first time felt like christmas morning! it was so fun to view the results of the shoot after waiting a few days and being so pleasantly surprised with how it all turned out.

i definitely need to keep practicing and have a few more shoots lined up to do just that but i think this may be a real game-changer for me. i've got the film bug and can't wait to keep shooting and experimenting!

needing and finding

my little sister's husband is a programmer. he is probably one of the top programmers in the state and loves what he does. he's able to change jobs on a whim because companies are lining up outside his door. they will never have to worry about money. ever. they go on extravagant vacations around the world, have a beautiful home, and talk of living abroad someday. they are also amazing examples of being generous and giving with their resources. i'm sure there are plenty of ways that i don't even know about in which they've given their money but, just as an example, they are the youngest couple to be consistent scholarship donors for BYU. pretty amazing. i love them and am so proud of them both.

but sometimes it's hard. it's hard to not compare our financial situation to theirs and know that we will never have many of those luxuries. it's hard knowing that instead of abundance, we have to carefully watch our bank accounts every month to make sure we can make ends meet while also trying our best to get out of debt. it's hard knowing that if we don't bring in additional, supplemental income each month via freelance work and/or photography, then we'll have to dip into savings.

i for sure don't mean to sound ungrateful or make our situation out to be some dire, awful circumstance. because it's not at all. we work hard and we are greatly blessed. we've had the opportunity to exercise our faith more than once in this area and are always surprised at how things have worked out so well. we live very comfortable lives and have enough for our needs and wants. it's just interesting how so much can suddenly seem like so, so little when compared to another.

the other day, chas jokingly said to me, "wulp. i'm sorry that i'm not a programmer."
i quickly responded, "i'm so glad you aren't a programmer. because of you and your work in film, i've discovered my love for photography. and i wouldn't give up the creative drive, fulfillment, and happiness that photography gives me for any amount of trips to paris or nicer cars. my life is better because of it."

and it's true!

throughout my life, i've always needed to be doing art. for years and years, i did painting and drawing- even got my BA in it. but then, after hero came, i found it more and more difficult to find the time to get out my paints and get to work. and then my desire to paint began to wane slowly. and then i just stopped painting altogether. and it was alright because i knew that i didn't want to paint solely because i felt like it was something i "should" do. i wanted to do it purely for the love of doing it. and that love had gone.

instead, focusing all my attention on my new baby was bliss but also unsatisfying in some ways. i discovered that i needed more than one dimension to fill my days. i yearned to be working towards something creative for myself but wasn't sure of what that was. eventually, our little film company, kelly arts films, was born from this desire to DO something and to work from home while being creative.

about 9 months after we started making our films together, i was asked to shoot some high school senior photos. i'd been operating a camera for 9 months but that was video- could i also do photography? i somewhat nervously gave it a go, and LOVED it. not only did i love the experience of shooting the photos but was also pleasantly surprised at how good they actually came out! i was hooked. i immediately did a mentorship with a local photographer so i could learn how to edit in lightroom and then began shooting as much and as often as i could. first, just friends and family who were willing to let me practice on them briefly. and, as i did so, i continued to be surprised at how naturally it all came and how very happy every one was with their photos. win win!

i've worked my bum off the last year and have managed to build up a good-sized portfolio of images that i am immensely proud of. and- what's more- i'm continue to try to learn and grow as a photographer. there's so much more to know and so many ways i can improve. i'm participating in a small all-day workshop with my photographer idol in april and have bought a film camera and even had my first all-film shoot a few days ago.

photography has been such a fun and unexpected blessing. it's given me an outlet for my creativity and drive to work while also providing us with some great extra cash flow. in fact, my photography work played a huge role in allowing us to purchase our house!

so while we'll likely always have to be "worrying" about money to some extent, i'm glad for it. out of the need has sprung a wealth of amazing opportunities for chas and i to work hard together and grow together- both individually and as a team.

here-and-now

i've been thinking a lot lately about being happy, comfortable, satisfied, and grateful in the life i've been given. chas and i are truly blessed. we have so much.

i remember our first tiny apartment in the avenues in salt lake city. we'd often lay in bed and just talk about how lucky we felt to live in such a fun and charming little spot in utah. how we loved taking long walks around our neighborhood and enjoying the amazing, historical houses all around us. how we adored the unique victorian-style church building we attended just across the street from the cemetery in which many prophets of our church are buried. how we'd go for rides on our little scooter in the fall and it felt like a page inside a fairy tale as we whizzed past the swirling autumn leaves and underneath canopies of tree-lined streets.

all of this, and yet, there were many times that i just yearned for more- different things than what we had been given.

and now we are owners of our first home. it's a beautiful, perfect house for us right now. and, just as before, we often lay in bed and just talk about how lucky we feel to have found such a nice place in such a wonderful neighborhood. how we love getting to know so many kind young families all around us. how we can see the bountiful temple from our living room window and how beautiful it is all lit up and glowing on the mountainside at night. how there are a gazillion little girls exactly hero's age and the elementary school is two blocks down the street. how we love being close to our families and don't have to miss out on fun get-togethers ever. how happy it's made me to be able to finally have a place to really call our own as i've painted, decorated, and dreamed up plans for future improvements.

all of this, and yet, there have been times that i still wanted more- different things than what we have been given.

last night, there chas and i were once again, laying in bed and talking. talking about our life and our future. we talked about how we don't want our life to pass us by without ever having been adventurous together. and although we love this house, this place, and this time in our lives, it's hard for us to think of living in utah- and only utah- for the entirety of our lives.

we decided if there's anywhere we'd want to live or raise a family outside of utah, it would be portland, oregon. i lived in oregon for three years during my time in grad school and then, a few years ago, chas and i took a trip to oregon together. during that trip, i fell in love with that wonderful state for the millionth time and chas was right there with me, head over heels for it all.

so what if...what if, in five years or so, we just decided to find a job in portland and move? daydreams of family weekend drives to the coast, exploring portland, and the beautiful, vibrant green everywhere quickly ensued. and, i'll have to admit, it was definitely fun to talk about all that with chas. we even started looking up production companies and real estate. simply thinking about the possibilities felt exciting and adventurous. we made a pinky promise that we'd be adventurous in our life together, turned out the lights, and fell asleep.

i kept thinking about it all this morning. and i've come to some conclusions.

i don't think it's bad to make plans for the future or have goals, hopes, and dreams. i'm a huge goal-setter and need to have things i'm working towards in order to feel fulfilled. but i also don't want to be the kind of person that's blinded by my future plans so that i can't ever fully LIVE in the moment and LOVE every bit of my present moment.

and, truth be told, i've truly never been more completely happy and satisfied than i am at this stage in our lives. really. we have a beautiful home in a dream neighborhood with family close by. chas has a good, steady job. my book is published. i'm learning more and more about photography and seeing my own creative goals come to fruition which is exhilarating. we have an amazing, crazy, darling little girl and another baby on the way. life is so, so good.

it'll be fun to see what the future holds and it's equally fun soaking up all the goodness of the here-and-now. there is goodness to be found wherever you are, whatever stage of life you're in. let's open our eyes, really SEE it, and don't miss it.

since i've been sick...

last sunday night, the worst stomach flu bug in the world struck both chas and i down- within hours of each other. good thing we have two bathrooms now. sheesh. so gross. i'm the type of person who always, always, always catches whatever it is that's going around so i knew it was simply a matter of time before i got hit. getting it exactly two days after recovering from that horrible head cold AND at the exact same time as my husband WHILE pregnant? so awful. i'm just glad it's over now.

so then i get better from my two-week stint of illness and, like a crazy person, decide to throw chas a last-minute surprise birthday party for his 30th birthday on saturday. SO glad i did. for a guy who's always saying how much he doesn't care for big parties and only wants to see a movie...maybe...for his birthday, he sure did LOVE his birthday party. having both our families there, his best buddy from childhood, and lots and lots of pizza, donuts, and root beer turned out to be the perfect evening for my guy. i also surprised him with the gender of our baby (but my midwife was only about 90% sure so we'll wait until the official 20 week ultrasound to make the big announcement)! and, because he has a bunch of family living back east, i asked everyone (on both sides of the family) to write a little letter to chas about why they love him. i compiled them all together and made them into a little book of love letters for him. we even spent a few minutes reading some of them aloud together. that was really special. you could just feel the love bursting from the room.

that evening, after we got home, and the two of us were relaxing in bed, chas did something that i've only seen him do a handful of times in our four years of marriage: cried. he told me how much that party meant to him, how much love and appreciation he felt for me and our families, and how special it all had made him feel. and then i just held him and he wept. i never want to forget that tender moment because, in that moment, i learned how vitally important selfless service is in a healthy, thriving marriage. i'm grateful to chas for allowing himself to be vulnerable and open enough to truly share how it all had affected him so strongly. and i'm grateful that i listened to that quiet little prompting i had a few days earlier to just go for it and give him the party that he deserves not only this birthday but every single birthday.

two heroes of mine

i got hit on monday with a horrible head cold. so, so bad. yesterday, i put hero down for her nap and at the very second i was finally able to fall asleep, she woke up. so then i did what i always do in distress: called my mom and started crying. and, with that, my mom told me she'd be right over. she took hero to stay at her place for the rest of the day and that night. i picked her up this afternoon.

i have no clue what i ever did to deserve the mother i have. she is the absolute best in every way. and it's not just me who thinks so. pretty much anyone who's ever had contact with her will tell you what an amazing woman she is and how lucky i am to call her mine and to learn from her always. i marvel at my friends who i know don't have great relationships with their mothers and who are still able to be wonderful, strong, amazing women and mothers themselves. all i know is that i would for sure be lying dead in gutter (and definitely with way less cute household accessories) if it weren't for the love, help, and guidance of my mom. so if you happen to read this, mom, know that i owe so much to you and am grateful for all that you always give without hesitation.

i also wanted to write a little about hero and having her back home tonight with us.

that girl is crazy. in the absolute best way. she is exploding with the funniest personality and is such an immense light in our lives. tonight, for example, she was pretending like she kept running into the walls (daddy only teaches her the best skills), was super adamant on what jammies she wanted to sleep in, more excited to see her favorite tiny pom pom (or "mom mom" as she calls it) than she was to see us, could not stop jabbering on and on about who-knows-what, did a funky little jig every time she took a bite of dinner, and then finally fell asleep so sweetly on chas' shoulder.

and the thing is, she's seriously like that all the time.

even after a full day at disneyland a few weeks ago. we got back to the hotel room, and hero proceeded to sing and dance and jump around on the bed for a solid 20 minutes. laughing like crazy the whole time. who is this kid!?

i don't think either chas nor i can ever fully comprehend the depth of love we feel for our hero girl. it has been such an honor and joy getting to parent her and watch her grow up. each stage has been different and amazing in its own way. and i hope that i can be better at documenting how she grows and develops. i want her to know what a spunky, lovable, and happy girl she's always been and how crazy adorable it is when she says the word "walrus."

me & my words

i have a lot of thoughts bouncing around in my head tonight. mostly, the thoughts and rumination were stressing me out. first, my solution was to eat some donuts with chas. which we did. and thoroughly enjoyed. then, immediately after, i had the idea to go to my blog and write. just write. and then i thought, "wow. thanks, donuts, for such a great idea. brain food."

so here i am. back in action on this blog after a long, long hiatus with a few brief posts sprinkled in here and there. but i decided that i need this blog more than i realize. writing out my thoughts helps me and it's important to me. i want my life as a mom and wife to be documented so much more than instagram can offer with a photo and few short sentences. i have ideas and experiences that i want to be thoroughly recorded- with or without a cute photo to accompany the words.

and that's what this is going to be about- at least for a little while. me and my words.

lately, i've found it too easy to get caught up in comparing the highlights of others' lives to the mundane and non-fancy areas of mine. i lose sight of all that i have and have been blessed with and, instead, feel twinges of bitterness and resentment and disappointment. so what if i'm the only person in the universe who isn't going to altsummit this weekend? so what if i don't wear makeup most days and don't have eyelash extensions and my clothes are mostly the same ones i've had for the past two or three years? i have PLENTY of great and wonderful goodness abounding in my life and shouldn't waste one second sneering at those who seem to have more. i need to take a step back and focus more on myself and let whatever is happening around me just happen without me passing judgement or feeling excluded. i can choose to be happy for others instead of comparing.

so that's the backstory on this blog writing resurgence.

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and now for some GREAT news:

WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER BABY!

i've been putting off making this announcement on the blog because i've been wanting to, at the very least, have some kind of fun, unique little way of spilling the beans like we did with hero. but then i realized that i didn't have near enough brain power or desire at the end of the day for something like that and that, at this rate, it might be the week before my due date before i ever mention anything about it so i may as well just get it out there! (i did post a cute little video of hero's reaction to the news of a sibling on instagram @samajama if you're interested. that counts for something, right?!)

so i'm 14 weeks along. thus far, this pregnancy has been a little easier than hero's. i'm into the second trimester now and haven't felt as nauseous. the fatigue comes and goes. mostly, i just want to eat ALL. THE. TIME. i actually kinda love that part about being pregnant. just loving every meal and not being able to wait (so i don't) until the next meal/snack time. we find out the gender in a few weeks. i'm really feeling like it's a boy and chas thinks we're having another girl.

i still can't believe i'm pregnant AGAIN. it seems like pregnancy and giving birth should be a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. so strange that women do this whole enchilada multiple times! i'm grateful, of course. i know many good friends who struggle with infertility and i can't imagine what that would be like. being able to grow a whole human inside your body is a beautiful gift and i'm incredibly lucky to be able to do so.

well, i think that's all for now. need to make sure there's time to go watch some "shark tank" with the hubs before the night is through.

have a great evening and i'll be back soon! xo

JUST IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS! MY BOOK IS AVAILABLE!

My book is officially available on Amazon! My heart is racing. I can't believe this is FINALLY real! It will also soon be available through iBookstore, Barnes & Noble, Sony, and tons of other eBook distributors. Now comes the part where I shamelessly beg you, from the bottom of my heart, to share this image and link. Post it on Instagram, Facebook, your personal blog, etc. The only way this book is ever going to have the opportunity to help others is if people KNOW about it. I can't do it alone. PLEASE. Even if you have only a handful of followers, please share this. You never know who will see it and could benefit from it. AND to thank you for your help in this endeavor, I'm giving away a $100 gift card to Amazon! Simply comment on this post and tell me where you've reposted it and you'll be entered!

Thank you so much. Have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

BUY THE BOOK HERE

living room progress

i've been meaning to post a few pictures of our living room progress and finally had a second during hero's nap this morning. hooray!

this space isn't complete but it's the most put-together area in our house now and we are LOVING how it's all looking. so here's the background on some of the pieces...

sectional: we purchased this from thrive and are obsessed with this thing. our biggest new house splurge, we bought it during their labor day sale and saved $750. if you've never heard of thrive, you should really take a minute and check out their furniture. my little sister bought two matching sofas last year and our family's been hooked ever since.

ottoman: snagged this at home goods right after chas and i got married. $150 i think? we love that the top lifts up like a chest so there's plenty of storage inside for quilts and blankets. ultimately, we may switch it out for a more sleek, modern wooden coffee table and use this guy as a fireplace bench or something but for now, it works great.

wool rug: this used to be in our bedroom and it's been so fun having it out in the living room for a change. i got it two years ago at nps market square in salt lake (a MUST-visit for local bargain hunting) for $150. total steal of a deal.

side table: $40 on ksl (utah's version of craig's list). it's actually an original record stand and even has slots inside for record sleeves. this is another piece that will eventually get replaced for something a little nicer.

side table accessories: hobby lobby and ikea. they work for now. pretty simple :)

floor lamp: target. $80.

black accent chair: thrifted by my little sister for $8 in idaho. it's a bit too small for the space but a good placeholder for now.

fireplace mantle artwork: just some prints and original art we've been collecting over the years. the clock is from ikea. we wanted to keep all the small, accent art in this space pretty basic and neutral- but fun.

small gallery wall artwork: we call this our "family wall" because everything in this arrangement represents the family in some way. we love the modern designed proclamation to the family. (you can download your own copy here.) we've already gotten lots of compliments on it- a fresh take! the two paintings are our most prized artworks- original brian kershisnik pieces that we got last year at an art show in provo. and then the crocheted piece is actually from bolivia. my sister brought it back for me years and years ago. it's symbolic of the family because families, as whole, come together to make each one of these and then sell them. so every member of the family is in charge of a certain aspect of the process of creating this. i love that visual image and metaphor of how families work together to build something unique and beautiful. lastly, the wire letter "k" is from urban outfitters.

bison skull: or, as we like to call him, skully. he's such a fun and unique statement piece and really makes the fireplace totally work together. i get asked a lot where skully's from- we got him from a local artist, owen mortensen.

fireplace wood: we have two fireplaces in this house- both are fully functional. for safety reasons, i want to wait until we can afford to install a gas log kit instead of having an open fire. but after seeing how fun the stacked wood looks, we may never change it :)

plans for wall above sectional: yesterday i bought a ginormous blank canvas for this wall space. it's going to be the focal point of the room. my dad is an amazing artist and we've commissioned him to create a painting for us. the painting to going to represent our family, our story, and our faith. i'll leave it at that for now. i can't wait to see how it turns out!

this is our life. no complaints.

since she was just a tiny baby, hero has always been super verbally expressive. girlfriend has lots to say ALWAYS. i hope it's still this cute when she's a teenager! (yikes)

but really- this went on for a solid 10 minutes before we actually started filming. she cracks us up!

a few projects

we've been in our new place for a little over a month now. i really can't even begin to describe how much we love it here- the house, the neighborhood, the view of the bountiful temple and mountains, the children walking to and from school down our street. it's like a dream. truly. in my prayers, i keep trying to express how immensely thankful i feel for all of this in our life right now- to fully pour out my grateful heart to heavenly father- but there seems to be no words that do justice to how i feel.

last weekend we painted our front door this fun orangey/yellow color and updated the outdoor sconces. slowly but surely, we're making this house our very own and i love the process and excitement and ownership of it all!

(you can follow me on instagram @samajama for more fun sneak peeks of the house!)

another fun project update is this book!

YOU GUYS.

i just uploaded the final version to be converted to an eBook. it should be available for purchase by the end of the month- fingers crossed! my heart is seriously beating out of my chest. it honestly doesn't feel 100% real even. i've been working on this for 3 1/2 years now and i can't believe it's officially finished. i wrote a book. I WROTE A BOOK!!! sheesh. so, so crazy.



and then lastly, i've been meaning to share the most recent wedding film chas and i finished working on. we shot this back in september and are thrilled with the way it all came together. this whole wedding party is from long island, ny- and they all came out to park city for a special, destination wedding. we were honored to be a part of such a huge weekend celebration. enjoy the highlight film!

well, that's all for now. life is grand, my friends.

after the storm

the last few weeks have been some of the craziest, busiest, most stressful, and most fun weeks of our marriage. i'm glad the dust is finally starting to settle.

we moved into our new home and, last night, had our families over for a house tour and picnic in the living room (we have a sectional coming but it won't be here for another 6 weeks). now that the extreme chaos of moving is over, it's so fun to be able to start to really enjoy all the fun parts of owning a new home and having our families there to soak it all in and enjoy it with us last night felt just like i imagine heaven might feel.

chas and i are still busy, busy with editing wedding films we recently shot and i'm so grateful for all the photography work i've been getting. i think that's one of the reasons why this new house feels SO, SO wonderful: because we've worked our bums off to get it. none of this would have been possible without our side businesses of film and photography. every little bit helps and, eventually, it's all added up and opened this great new door for us in our life together.

i'm proud of us. i really am.

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for more updates on our new home and life, follow me on instagram @samajama. i post much more frequently these days on insta than i do on this blog although i'm going to try to be better about keeping this more updated than i have been.

thanks for still being here!

book sneak peeks!

excited to share these sneak peeks with you all! i've been working with a professional book designer/formatter and she's been sending me over some style sheets for approval. i couldn't be more thrilled with how it's all coming together.

i'm also pretty nervous for when the big day comes to officially release the book. this story is my whole heart and soul and there's only a very small handful of people who either know about it or have read portions of my book. but once it's out there, it's out there. no turning back. and while i've been waiting and working towards that day for 3 1/2 years, now that's it's so close, a part of me is like, "wait! this is really scary to let anyone have access to something that is so, so near and dear to my heart! yiiikes!"

but then i remind myself of how needed this book is and how i hope it can help others. even if it really helps just one person- it would all be worth it.

so i'm taking deep breaths, deep breaths and embracing vulnerability.